Friday, September 23, 2011

Liberation on Shankpainter

As I stood on the deck overlooking the street in front of me I realized that I felt a freedom I hadn’t felt in a long time. I was free to do anything I wanted to do. I made a drink at 10am or noon or 5pm; whatever time I wanted. There was no one to judge me but me and I was too lubricated to care. I could smoke as many cigarettes as I wanted and I did. It didn’t matter what anyone said or thought. I made the choice to do as I pleased and lived my life; that’s the simple truth.

There comes a time when one has to stop worrying about what people think. What your friends and family want for you has to take a back seat to what you want even if what you want might be a mistake. You have to make choices. Sometimes what is thought to be a mistake doesn’t end up being one. But what if it does? I hate failure, but I hear we only learn from our mistakes. Maybe I should start looking at mistakes as growth opportunities instead of failures.

There comes a time when one has to stop carrying what their family members think. Life is too short and your life has to be your own. I’m just now learning that. In fact, I’m completely frustrated by it. I feel like I’ve wasted a lot of time needing the approval of my family and friends and being a people pleaser. I should be paying more attention to what I want and pleasing myself. I’m the only one who can truly benefit anyway.

I can’t live my life for my family. I can’t live my life for my friends. I have to live my life for me. It’s my life anyway, right? If that is the truth then other people’s judgments, questions and concerns have to be taken with a grain of salt. What other people feel is exactly that: what they feel. That doesn’t mean that I have to have those feelings. Sometimes we have to hear and then discard what others opinionate to us.

Life has to be lived. Risk is scary, but without risk I never would have moved to New York or quit my longest held job to get a better one. Risk leads to progress. I don’t take many risks, but in hindsight it is only by taking risks that I have made progress in my life.

Living my life for me, taking new risks….in progress.