Fear, Shame, & Discrimination: It's Enough Already

Have you ever had fear of family rejection from doing nothing other than being born? I have. Maybe you've experienced the fear of your family’s reaction when you got your girlfriend pregnant, or wrecked your car, or got a DUI, or failed a class. But that’s different than fearing your family for the way you felt inside because of who you were attracted to. 

Have you ever felt completely isolated from everyone (your parents, your preacher, you teachers, your guidance counselor, your friends), unable to ask questions or talk about how you were feeling, because you feared their reaction? Well, guess what. I have. It was sad and terrifying and lonely. And I felt ashamed of myself for most of my life. That fear was caustic; it tried to destroy me.

I’m done with that! I’m done with it. I’m not going to apologize for being attracted to men, for enjoying kissing a man, for wanting to hold a man’s hand. I’m not going to apologize for enjoying makeup and a fantastic shoe. I won’t do it. And I’ll be damned if I’m going to let anyone condemn me as less than worthy of rights and protections because of how I feel, who I love, what I wear. I WON’T DO IT!

Too much time was wasted living with shame and fear. Too much time is still being wasted with the residual effects of those feelings. I am not a victim. I am a survivor: of my childhood, of high school, of religious men and women who would have me believe that Hell awaits me if I continue down my path. I could easily play the victim card, but that is unproductive. I am not a victim, but I am angry. I have risen up and I will continue to rise further.

Even the hint of a whiff, via Twitter today, that Mr. Trump might sign an executive order allowing for discrimination against LGBTQ humans has incensed me. It’s enough already. I stand proudly, a capital G, with my LGBTQ brothers and sisters. It is time to stop this nonsense. LGBTQ humans needing protections wouldn’t even be necessary if so many homophobic people, hiding behind religion, afraid of what they won’t or can’t understand would just get over themselves and realize that equality isn’t going to change their lives. It’s going to change the life of someone else. And by doing so will make life better for all. 

We could indeed make America great(er) if we all took a second to support, love, and help each other. We truly are stronger together. I just hope we haven’t destroyed each other by the time we figure that out.

The American Political Stage: A Theatrical Extravaganza

When did religious views and opinions become the standard political platform for the GOP? When did believing in the God of the Bible and following what the Bible says become the one and only right way to live ones life? This is America, right? Freedom of (from) religion!! Has it always been this way? Or is it now simply more pronounced than ever before? When did shouting your religious views from the rooftops become as second nature as, say, who you're attracted to? 

Remember when discussing politics and/or religion was simply not gauche? We kept our views to ourselves or at least we only shared them when we were in the right setting. Sure, there were instances where coherent, informative discussions with differing opinions could be had then walked away from without one party dismissing the others opinions as ignorant and uninformed. But for the most part I remember people keeping most of those thoughts to themselves. 

In today's high-trafficked internet world, one can't seem to escape the constant barrage of I'm-right-you're-wrong rhetoric spewed from the assholes of opinionated people (myself included) that becomes more blah, blah, blah than useful information. The news cycle, which is now endless, is filled with politicians who use strong, conservative, Christian views to pander to the religious right merely to gain voter support. Many of those politicians are off-their-rocker Christians themselves who want the laws of our land to reflect the laws of a book written for a different time. We progress. We change. Stop standing in the way. Broaden your mind to the possibilities and changes or step aside.

Many of our politicians don't have the rights, fair treatment, and just concerns of our nation's citizens in their best interests. They have their own wants, desires, and agendas in their best interests. 

Abortion, same-sex marriage, the Affordable Care Act should all be moot points at this point, but no, they are used to rile the conservative masses almost daily, be it through interviews, political debates, or rallies held around the country. This season's targets seem to be Planned Parenthood and Immigration. Again, pandering to the morals and fears of the Right.

How is it possible that a woman can blatantly break the law in this country, keep her job, and be considered a hero by so many? How is it possible that a former congresswoman can continue to spread fear, suggesting God will destroy our nation because our Supreme Court voted for equality? (As if we're the ONLY nation in the world who believes in equal rights for all!) How is it possible that a former Governor (and beauty queen) still has a platform in this country for her incoherent, uninformed ramblings that stoke the fires of the lowest common denominator? How does a crass, no-filter billionaire with no real political background become the front runner for the GOP Presidential nomination? Answer for all: by catering to the morality police and conservative Christians! It's a fuck-everyone-else, I'm-right-and-you're-wrong mentality. These people are filling their followers' heads with lies and no one knows what lies at the bottom of that rabbit hole, yet so many are blindly jumping in. No thanks!

And for that matter, how is it possible we live in a country where men and women would rather shut down the government than hammer out the details in a compromise that could and should benefit all people? Who shuts down the government? Two years ago when our government shut down I was stunned. And now we're on the verge again. Figure it out people! We put our trust in you, voted to elect you to lead us, and many of you are too busy playing childish games, making the political stage look like one hell of a theatrical production. When is the Phantom going to make the chandelier crash down in the middle of congress? Seriously! I want my money's worth. 

The conservative right will say the country has lost its way. I beg to differ. The country hasn't lost its way, but many have forgotten "All men are created equal" and many of those with this memory loss wish to keep those of us they don't agree with -- those of us they find less than, those of us they find morally bankrupt (according to the laws of their God) -- held under foot so we have no voice. To quote from the fantastic new musical Hamilton let me say that we continue to "Rise Up" and we refuse to not be seen and heard. "We hold these truths to be self-evident." 

Many of our leaders today are on the wrong side of history. Time will validate same-sex marriage as the best thing to happen in 2015. Time will prove that we can all live together with differing political and religious views (as we've been doing for years) if we love, support, and respect one another without the "I'm right and you're wrong" attitude. 

Grow up. Stop quibbling over not getting your way. Be leaders. Stop acting like children who never learned the basic principle of sharing. 

I'm a Homosexual and There Ain't Nothin' Wrong With That!

This piece also appears on HuffPost Gay Voices.

“They’re teaching young children about bestiality now.” Katie Donoghue, a Virginia woman who attended the March for Marriage rally organized by the National Organization for Marriage held in Washington, D.C. on June 19, is on record with that statement. When I read it I couldn’t help but share it with my co-workers. You might say I did a dramatic reading of it. I gave it a comic twist with dramatic flair, but let me get serious for a moment. My subsequent thoughts on this statement led to outrage and anger. Where is anyone teaching bestiality?

I continued down my anger path a few days later with the HuffPost headline “GOP Lawmaker Pretty Sure That ‘Sexual Orientation” Includes Incest, Bestiality, Pedophilia.” My co-workers can attest to my outburst, which included pacing around the room, throwing my arms in the air, and all but shouting about the stupidity of these thoughts.

What the hell is up with the bestiality and pedophilia bullshit? Are people seriously associating my sexual orientation (and that of my gay brothers and sisters) with one of the aforementioned acts? Educate yourselves folks. There’s a lot of information out there on this thing called the Internet where you can learn about homosexuality. It’s a simple concept. We’re a group of people who happen to be attracted to someone of the same gender. A 2013 Gallup poll says that the national average of Americans who identify as gay is 3.5%. We exist. We laugh, we cry, we hurt, we love just like everybody else. I don’t understand why it’s so difficult for some people to wrap their heads around that, or why they feel so threatened by us. I mean, how difficult is it to accept that there are human beings in the world attracted to their same gender? It must be mind-boggling for some people because their lack of understanding and fear is made known by the vomit that spews forth from their mouths. They wear their hate like it’s the latest trend in footwear and they’re trying to stomp all over us.

Here’s something that might be even more mind-blowing to some of you anti-gay, fear-mongering, haters: We, the gay community, are not attracted to trees or dogs or cats or goats or horses or cows or light poles or cars. We’re attracted to people. In case there’s any confusion in that statement let me clarify. We are attracted to other human beings. Weird, right? Gay people, just like straight people, are attracted to, develop loving relationships with, and yes, want to marry other people. Oh and lest I forget, we want to have sex. We want to have sex with someone of our same gender. We have longings and sexual desires just like straight people. 

Have you noticed how often anti-gay people bring the gay sex act into their detestable statements? It seems to me that it always boils down to sex, the way gay people have sex? Specifically gay men. I continue to be amazed at the number of people condemning homosexuality and equality with their thinly veiled disgust at the sex act. I'm gonna be honest here, the way a straight couple chooses to live their lives, enjoy sex, get married (or not) does not affect my life in the slightest. Yet, conservative, anti-gay Americans are so afraid of how gay people getting married is going to change the fabric of our country. And much of that fear is wrapped up in how they perceive our sex lives and that our sex doesn’t lead to procreation. Jesus, we’re merely 3.5% of the American population. I don’t think there’s any reason to worry about a lack of procreation, but I digress. Why then are so many so deeply concerned with the gay sex act? So gay men have anal sex. So what! Some straight couples also engage in anal sex. (Bueller? Bueller?) So gay men enjoy sucking dick. So what! Some straight couples also enjoy this act. (Crickets) Where’s the vocal condemnation and disgust for the “sodomites” of the straight community? (sarcasm laced with frustration)

I often try to infuse my writing with humor, but the truth is I’m angry. I’m pissed off. I’m tired of the ignorance. And yes, I’m taking these outrageous statements personally. They’re offensive. The number of people, including some of our country’s leaders, who equate gay people with what appears to be any disgusting act they can come up with is insulting. Why is it so hard to believe that two men or two women can have a loving, fulfilling relationship without it being turned into something repulsive and tawdry because, let's face it, you don't understand how we have sex or how that sex act is enjoyable to us. 

I am a first class citizen. I work and pay my taxes. My bills are paid on time. I take care of myself. I’m healthy. I know my HIV status. I work hard to be true to myself and honest with other people. I refuse to be treated as anything other than equal to everyone else. I am not second class or second rate. I’m tired of the bullshit and the ignorance. You know, the children that so many straight, conservative, Christian people in our country are trying to protect are probably smarter than those who are trying to protect them. Today’s America has evolved beyond even the prejudices of my own childhood. Yes, obviously prejudice still exists, but this is a different world. (A May 2014 Gallup poll shows 55% of Americans support same-sex marriage.) And if I may be so bold, those aforementioned children could probably teach their would be protectors a lot about acceptance and tolerance, provided the adults don't teach them to hate first. 

We make no choice to be gay. I certainly didn’t make that choice. The choice we do make is to have courage. Gay people are some of the most courageous people I’ve ever had the experience to know. We have to be courageous to accept ourselves, be honest about our feelings, and live our lives. I struggle with that courage every day, but when I read the bullshit that people say—because of fear, because they feel they need to protect the children, because the Bible says so—I just want to stand tall with my chest puffed out and say, “I’m a homosexual and there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that!”