Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Live. Right. Now.

I was inspired by a bus stop advertisement - Live. Right. Now. I realized I saw this today because it was speaking directly to me. I was reading The Secret this morning and the chapter was on prosperity. I see myself all over this chapter when the contributors talk about worrying about debt and thinking "I don't have enough money" and "I can't afford that".

I do all of that to myself. By changing my thought process and believing that I can pay off the debt or afford the new shirt or the $13 glass of wine leads to a release of the knot in my chest and increases the happy factor in life. This doesn't mean I should go on a crazy spending spree. It just means I can relax and know that I can.

I have to radiate goodness and positive energy from within me. If I can do that then it means I'm in a happy place because that kind of energy can come from no where else. Negativity be gone. Imagine the changes we can make in our own lives if we radiate positive energy, not to mention how we would touch those around us.

Imagine if we all just believed there was an abundance of money every day, week, month, year. Without that to worry about we could put all that energy into something else. What could I accomplish with that excess of energy?

It's not easy. It's a complete change of mindset. I'm used to worrying about things. To believe I have an abundance of money, happiness, good health, love, courage, etc., takes work. Everyday it takes work. One day it will just be second nature and I'll just believe it. Kind of like I believe in God. I just believe it!

I think I can do it. I decided to stop biting my fingernails back in junior high by letting one grow and not biting it. I proved to myself I could and then not biting the others was easy. I got up every morning without parental supervision for 5 years and got to class and earned a degree. I proved to myself I could survive in New York City. If I, if we, try hard enough changes can be made and anything can be accomplished.

I went to this fantastic speakeasy tonight. It's not marked. Black door. Ring the door bell and when they answer the door they ask how many in your party and if they can accommodate you they will let you in. I lost a battle tonight with abundance. The thing I've been working on believing all day. I believed that I had the money to pay for the two glasses of wine I ordered, but when Matt put down his card and the waitress walked away before I could put down mine I got annoyed. The last time we hung out we discussed my money issues and at dinner that night he paid for mine. I always want to feel appreciative, and mostly I do, but I always feel guilty. I feel like it's a sympathy pay. I don't want to feel that way. I felt that way again tonight. Matt said I should just buy him a drink next time we're out. That then gives me anxiety over being able to afford it which puts me back in the same vicious cycle.

Worrying about money is a stress that I don't need. Buying Matt a drink is achievable and also in the future.

Live. Right. Now.